Mediation

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The mediation process is managed by a mediator, who must function as an impartial, neutral third party.  Both parties are the clients of the mediator.  The goal is a settlement that is satisfactory to both people.

What does the divorce mediator do? During the mediation process, the mediator will assist the parties to exam the issues; communicate the facts, needs and desires; encourage each side to really understand the other side's needs and position; and stimulate the development of options and solutions. It is important that both parties treat each other with respect and focus on future needs, rather than focusing on past misdeeds or finding fault.

For most mediations, we will help you look in detail at the financial aspects of your situation and prepare financial reports and projections to help you to work out what options make sense for you to consider, taking into account your needs, resources and tax implications.  We can do amendments to scenarios live, projected onto a screen in our conference room so that you can see the implications of various changes in possible settlements.  We also help with developing parenting plans.

How are we different than other mediators?  Many mediators prefer to put the parties in different rooms and shuffle between the rooms to try to reach an agreement.  Our approach is normally one of problem solving together with the parties in the same room to try to reach agreements that are best for the parties and their children.  However, we sometimes will "caucus" (separate into separate rooms) if that is what will help the parties to reach agreement.

We are also different in that we provide in depth financial analysis and planning for both parties so that they can really understand the financial implications of their decisions. 

The mediator cannot give legal advice to the parties, even if the mediator is an attorney.  Parties in a mediation are encouraged to seek legal advice, if for nothing else than to review the final agreement.

Who makes the decisions?  The mediator will not make your decisions for you --that is what arbitrators and judges are for. The mediator will help you to reach your own agreements, which in the long run should be more workable and satisfactory than those imposed by a third party.  You are more likely to implement an agreement that you helped forge than one that was crafted by someone else.  Judges also usually do not have time to be creative or to develop a settlement which is unique to your situation.

Mediation is voluntary.  Mediation cannot work if one or both parties have been forced to attend.  Either party is free to leave the mediation at any time.

Mediation is confidential.  The mediator is bound to keep confidential all communications related to the mediation and cannot be used as a witness if the matter goes to court.  Similarly, the parties are bound by confidentiality and are not allowed to use any information discovered during the process of the mediation in court.

Parties may have advisors to help them in the mediation.  Advisors can include attorneys, financial analysts, parenting professionals, therapists, etc.  With the exception of the attorneys, who may only act for one party, the advisors may be jointly appointed, or advise only one of the parties. 

For the mediation to be binding, the agreements must be reduced to writing that both parties sign.  The mediator may draw up the agreement, or this may be done by an attorney representing one of the parties.

Finally, mediation should be less costly than other alternatives involving divorce professionals. Rarely should a mediated case without retained attorneys cost more than $10,000.  Litigated cases can easily cost in excess of $40,000, even if they are settled before going to trial.

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